... "Enjoyable", huh? [There's a huff of a laugh that sounded like a sigh of relief. He hoped it was enjoyable and not painful in any bad way. That's one of the reasons why he was so worried.
That and... the thoughts he was having. He wasn't going to throw words like "mine" and "mate" any time soon... the thought intimidated him, honestly.]
That's fine by me, take as much time as you wanna. It's kinda the least I can do.
[Said while absent mindedly rubbing his eyes a bit more, then stopping once he realized what he was doing.]
Huh? No, it's fine. They always get like this in the morning. Just need more time to adjust than someone normally would.
[He nods his acceptance, but continues to study Lighter's expressions, concerned and a little unsettled.]
...Was it not...? That is, did I...make you uncomfortable? It's all a little bit hazy, to be honest. [He can remember what they did, what they said, but the motivations that had overtaken him feel...absurd, in retrospect.
He blushes a little as he thinks about how enthusiastic he was.]
Huh? N-No, that's not. Wait, no, I meant it was. Enjoyable, I mean. Not that it was... Shit.
[Lord in Heaven he's a mess.
He'll just drag a hand down his face for a moment, and take a deep breath. Get your head in the game, Lorenzo... Granted that was hard to do when he felt the warmth creeping up again. The grounding warmth of embarrassed.]
I'm saying... I did enjoy it. That's what I'm saying. I was just... kinda worried I was too rough. Enough that it wasn't enjoyable for you.
[He can't help but smile in relief and amusement at the way Lighter flusters.]
I'm glad. I enjoyed myself very much, so please don't worry.
[He did think some things he doesn't want to commit to saying. He's not even sure he wants to voice them aloud and give them presence in the world.
They really should address it, so maybe if he just doesn't say it in so many words...] ...Those forms come with some overwhelming instincts. I was taken a bit off-guard by my own responses at the time.
[Just when Lighter let the relief sink in, Maxima addresses the elephant in the room. The tension didn't show as much given he was already pretty tense before. Comparatively he was lax, just not as lax as he would be otherwise. That was only something him and the Big Guy knew though.]
Yeah, they do... here I was thinking I'd just be howling at the moon a couple days out of the month. A lot of what I said's kind of a blur but I remember being surprised at myself too...
[Lighter was looking at the Elephant rather than running away from it at least.]
[Maxima nods his agreement. His response is slow, picking and choosing his words carefully.]
...For myself, I don't intend to ask or offer any changes to the terms of this arrangement. Seeing each other like this is very welcome, and I'm so grateful that you're someone whose company I enjoy outside of the bedroom as well. But I'm not prepared to commit any more of myself than that. ...I still don't know if I ever will be.
[He forces himself to meet Lighter's eyes, looking concerned and a little guilty. Even as good, as intense as this past weekend has been, even with all the things his instincts pushed him to almost say...he's just not ready to take this relationship into romantic territory.]
[The careful word choice helped. Lorenzo wasn't ever good with words in his eyes, no matter how many people said he was. Or rather... said that "Lighter" was. "Lorenzo" never had the way with words his past self did. And it was that new hurdle he faced that made his mad thoughts of "this is my mate" even more intimidating.]
... I won't lie, I was thinking the same thing. I just didn't really know how best to say it without being too blunt. I'm not exactly a delicate guy, but you know that by now.
[Lighter tried to meet Maxima's eyes and did mostly succeed, but habit had him avert them more than once. Looking into another person's eyes was still hard for him. He was still scared of what he'd see looking back. It almost made him thankful for the injury to his own eyes making him need dark shades.]
I don't mind keeping what we've got going right now. [He gestured between them.] I like what we have as it is and you're a good friend. So, you don't have to look so worried about me. We're on the same page.
[Even though Lighter looked just as worried. Mostly because there was more to say. "I'm not ready." "I'm scared." "I don't even know who I am anymore sometimes." "I might be the guy who makes your luck run out."
All of it was extra fluff. What mattered was they were in agreement.]
Thank goodness. [Relief washes through his expression immediately.] That is...I'd understand, if something had changed, or if you wanted space. But...
[It would sting. He's been hurt so much worse far too often to even count something like that as truly painful, but it would be unpleasant without a doubt, to distance himself from this connection when they're still settling into it in some ways.] Well, I'm glad.
[There is still something lingering behind Lighter's eyes, he can see it, but he isn't at all sure what it might be.] ...And thank you, too, for being open to having these conversations. The ability to speak freely is something I haven't had very often in my life.
Don't worry, I get what you mean. [He would have been sad but quietly accepted it in lieu of showing his pain. Maxima was that kind of respectful guy. Enough that it made Lighter a little concerned sometimes.
It was a bit weird for Lorenzo to get this close with someone. He wasn't a guy to mince words ever but he tried not to be a total asshole to people who don't deserve it. Just preferred to tell people what they need to hear.]
It's good to have someone you don't have to think as hard with. I'm glad I can be the guy you don't have dance around things with.
[It's fine. He can handle and process hurt all by himself. He's had to get really good at doing that. Which is completely fine.]
As am I. [He smiles encouragingly at Lighter, and then stretches a bit, wincing at all the scrapes and bruises the movement pulls on.] ...A shower, I think, first. Then I'll help you clean up around here.
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That and... the thoughts he was having. He wasn't going to throw words like "mine" and "mate" any time soon... the thought intimidated him, honestly.]
That's fine by me, take as much time as you wanna. It's kinda the least I can do.
[Said while absent mindedly rubbing his eyes a bit more, then stopping once he realized what he was doing.]
Huh? No, it's fine. They always get like this in the morning. Just need more time to adjust than someone normally would.
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...Was it not...? That is, did I...make you uncomfortable? It's all a little bit hazy, to be honest. [He can remember what they did, what they said, but the motivations that had overtaken him feel...absurd, in retrospect.
He blushes a little as he thinks about how enthusiastic he was.]
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[Lord in Heaven he's a mess.
He'll just drag a hand down his face for a moment, and take a deep breath. Get your head in the game, Lorenzo... Granted that was hard to do when he felt the warmth creeping up again. The grounding warmth of embarrassed.]
I'm saying... I did enjoy it. That's what I'm saying. I was just... kinda worried I was too rough. Enough that it wasn't enjoyable for you.
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I'm glad. I enjoyed myself very much, so please don't worry.
[He did think some things he doesn't want to commit to saying. He's not even sure he wants to voice them aloud and give them presence in the world.
They really should address it, so maybe if he just doesn't say it in so many words...] ...Those forms come with some overwhelming instincts. I was taken a bit off-guard by my own responses at the time.
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[Just when Lighter let the relief sink in, Maxima addresses the elephant in the room. The tension didn't show as much given he was already pretty tense before. Comparatively he was lax, just not as lax as he would be otherwise. That was only something him and the Big Guy knew though.]
Yeah, they do... here I was thinking I'd just be howling at the moon a couple days out of the month. A lot of what I said's kind of a blur but I remember being surprised at myself too...
[Lighter was looking at the Elephant rather than running away from it at least.]
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...For myself, I don't intend to ask or offer any changes to the terms of this arrangement. Seeing each other like this is very welcome, and I'm so grateful that you're someone whose company I enjoy outside of the bedroom as well. But I'm not prepared to commit any more of myself than that. ...I still don't know if I ever will be.
[He forces himself to meet Lighter's eyes, looking concerned and a little guilty. Even as good, as intense as this past weekend has been, even with all the things his instincts pushed him to almost say...he's just not ready to take this relationship into romantic territory.]
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... I won't lie, I was thinking the same thing. I just didn't really know how best to say it without being too blunt. I'm not exactly a delicate guy, but you know that by now.
[Lighter tried to meet Maxima's eyes and did mostly succeed, but habit had him avert them more than once. Looking into another person's eyes was still hard for him. He was still scared of what he'd see looking back. It almost made him thankful for the injury to his own eyes making him need dark shades.]
I don't mind keeping what we've got going right now. [He gestured between them.] I like what we have as it is and you're a good friend. So, you don't have to look so worried about me. We're on the same page.
[Even though Lighter looked just as worried. Mostly because there was more to say. "I'm not ready." "I'm scared." "I don't even know who I am anymore sometimes." "I might be the guy who makes your luck run out."
All of it was extra fluff. What mattered was they were in agreement.]
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[It would sting. He's been hurt so much worse far too often to even count something like that as truly painful, but it would be unpleasant without a doubt, to distance himself from this connection when they're still settling into it in some ways.] Well, I'm glad.
[There is still something lingering behind Lighter's eyes, he can see it, but he isn't at all sure what it might be.] ...And thank you, too, for being open to having these conversations. The ability to speak freely is something I haven't had very often in my life.
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It was a bit weird for Lorenzo to get this close with someone. He wasn't a guy to mince words ever but he tried not to be a total asshole to people who don't deserve it. Just preferred to tell people what they need to hear.]
It's good to have someone you don't have to think as hard with. I'm glad I can be the guy you don't have dance around things with.
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As am I. [He smiles encouragingly at Lighter, and then stretches a bit, wincing at all the scrapes and bruises the movement pulls on.] ...A shower, I think, first. Then I'll help you clean up around here.
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Good idea. We... made a real mess of the place huh?
[And each other. Only stated as a matter of fact, not with any regret. If anything he sounded impressed and satisfied.]