There's a long, long delay. Admittedly Lighter's knee-jerk reaction was getting angry the longer he read this text. But not only was that immature, Lighter knew the Patron Jun was referring to. It wasn't rocket science.
But there was so much Jun did not understand about how he felt. And it wasn't anything he was willing to put on the kid. Or anyone. It was his fucking business...
It was his business to wonder why God kept giving him second chances and not people who deserved it more.]
It's not that I didn't appreciate you saving my life. I owe you for that. I wanna thank you for that.
["I just think it's been overdue. I just think you and the others should have avoided being hurt."]
That's not what I took issue with. Even if you're able to survive something like that, you shouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place. The circumstances were what they were [because of me] and I know that we were all in a lose-lose situation.
I took issue with you getting hurt just like anyone would when their friends are hurt.
I'm not against your Patron's wishes. When I am, I go to the right place for it.
[He usually only went to church maybe once a month. He's been there twice since the Jumanji incident.]
[Bullshit, Jun finds himself thinking as he reads through Lighter appreciating what he did, but he'll pause and collect himself. ]
Lighter... I'm not a child anymore. I've been in dangerous situations for a long time now, and I've been hurt worse than this. It's just part of what I am.
I choose to do what I did because I want you to live. And my Patron agreed with that wish.
And if I can help it? I'll keep following that want... even if it's selfish.
[Lighter was grateful for anything done for him, that much was true. Even if he had a preference of letting what was meant to be be, even if that's... well.]
You're right. You've grown up like crazy since I saw you years ago. Treating you the same as I did back then's pretty disrespectful of me. I'm sorry. For that and for getting on you about what you did.
You're a good person, Jun. I'm thankful that you want me to live.
[He truly meant that despite feeling frustrated as hell right now. Jun didn't know the whole story about him, but that was Lighter's fault. How's a guy going to understand something if he's not willing to fess up about it?]
Well, it has been what? 8 or 9 years? Plus admittedly, I was going through stuff I didn't mention back then at the time -- so of course I've changed a lot.
[Jun doesn't know Lighter's past, not really. But Haru mentioned that he had the eyes of someone with survivor's guilt... so he carefully lays that bait out there, seeing if he gets a bite]
But I appreciate the apology. Truly. And I think you're a good person too.
[... He did. And that hurt even more. No one should have to feel this crushing guilt. See the faces of people who should be alive if they close their eyes for too long. It was bad enough Lighter felt this.
But unfortunately, it tracked didn't it? Why else would Jun have been so reclusive and avoidant when he was younger? Something happened, something that wasn't Lighter's business, that made him that way.
It wasn't a good place right now to get into any of that. Let Lighter's very long delay in response be its own answer.]
That's real nice of you to say. Has me smiling like a real goof right now.
Go on and get some rest. I'll do the same. I still wanna check in on you guys when I've got the all clear myself. I'll bring something along to liven up the atmosphere again.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
There's a long, long delay. Admittedly Lighter's knee-jerk reaction was getting angry the longer he read this text. But not only was that immature, Lighter knew the Patron Jun was referring to. It wasn't rocket science.
But there was so much Jun did not understand about how he felt. And it wasn't anything he was willing to put on the kid. Or anyone. It was his fucking business...
It was his business to wonder why God kept giving him second chances and not people who deserved it more.]
It's not that I didn't appreciate you saving my life. I owe you for that. I wanna thank you for that.
["I just think it's been overdue. I just think you and the others should have avoided being hurt."]
That's not what I took issue with. Even if you're able to survive something like that, you shouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place. The circumstances were what they were [because of me] and I know that we were all in a lose-lose situation.
I took issue with you getting hurt just like anyone would when their friends are hurt.
I'm not against your Patron's wishes. When I am, I go to the right place for it.
[He usually only went to church maybe once a month. He's been there twice since the Jumanji incident.]
no subject
Lighter... I'm not a child anymore. I've been in dangerous situations for a long time now, and I've been hurt worse than this. It's just part of what I am.
I choose to do what I did because I want you to live. And my Patron agreed with that wish.
And if I can help it? I'll keep following that want... even if it's selfish.
no subject
You're right. You've grown up like crazy since I saw you years ago. Treating you the same as I did back then's pretty disrespectful of me. I'm sorry. For that and for getting on you about what you did.
You're a good person, Jun. I'm thankful that you want me to live.
[He truly meant that despite feeling frustrated as hell right now. Jun didn't know the whole story about him, but that was Lighter's fault. How's a guy going to understand something if he's not willing to fess up about it?]
no subject
[Jun doesn't know Lighter's past, not really. But Haru mentioned that he had the eyes of someone with survivor's guilt... so he carefully lays that bait out there, seeing if he gets a bite]
But I appreciate the apology. Truly. And I think you're a good person too.
no subject
But unfortunately, it tracked didn't it? Why else would Jun have been so reclusive and avoidant when he was younger? Something happened, something that wasn't Lighter's business, that made him that way.
It wasn't a good place right now to get into any of that. Let Lighter's very long delay in response be its own answer.]
That's real nice of you to say. Has me smiling like a real goof right now.
Go on and get some rest. I'll do the same. I still wanna check in on you guys when I've got the all clear myself. I'll bring something along to liven up the atmosphere again.
no subject
Alright. I'll look forward to that. I'm sure the others will be happy to see you too.
Rest well, Lighter. I'll be sure to do the same.