[Maxima flinched and seemed to withdraw into himself a little further at each sharp word, each just castigation. The Empire had never truly been about uplifting the weak, only about turning the tables and making someone else suffer for once. He understands that now, better than he ever had before he was forced into exile.
And then the last sentence was an open hand instead of a fist. His shoulders slumped a little, and he finally dared a glance back at Lighter.]
I did. I do. I... [He grimaced, hating the words he was about to speak but knowing them for truth anyway.] I don't trust the people who remain to...to build something that's better than what we had, unless the right people are there to remind them what that needs to look like. There are a few with hearts in the right place, but...
[He shook his head.] In any case, my good intentions aren't the point. The point is, my friend, Takame...he came from one of the places we took over. He was raised under the Empire's thumb, had only in recent years begun to truly shake off the scars that upbringing had left on him. He trusted in me, as a dissenter against the common view, to treat him like an equal. ...And now, whatever my intentions, I've broken that trust and reminded him of where we sit in the hierarchy of my homeland. ...He shouldn't forgive me for that.
[More quietly:]
He never should have put so much trust in me in the first place.
[There's another long pause from Lighter. And then an inaudible exhale.]
I won't go speaking for a guy I don't know, but... isn't it his choice to forgive you or not?
[His tone was still on the softer side, but Lighter was always rather blunt. Usually it got him into trouble. But that suited him just fine.]
You may be right, he may not forgive you. But that's for him to decide, not for you to assume.
[He leaned over a bit, enough so Maxima couldn't avoid looking at him entirely.]
You still think it's an injustice that he was raised under the Empire's thumb, and it was. You still care about him enough to be this upset about what you had to do to keep him alive. Based on what you're saying, I figure not a lot of officers would give a damn about being forgiven or not. You do.
That's the difference here. You care. You still wanted your country to be better and you still want to do good by the one who suffered at its hands all the way in another world.
[...]
But it doesn't make the regret hurt any less. It doesn't make you want to scream into the sky any less. I know that.
[He lifted his head a little more as Lighter leaned into his space, no longer so avoidant. No longer so afraid that the things he can't help being might poison everything good he's managed to build for himself here.]
...It doesn't. But...I was right. [A long beat.] ...You really are a kind man at heart.
[He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, feeling the weight of everything settle into his bones.] You're sure I can't help you with the paperwork? I probably shouldn't be speaking to clients right now, but...
[He really won't know what to do with himself if he isn't keeping busy with something.]
[If Lighter allowed himself to resent Maxima over where he came from, well... he'd be no better than folks who thought that of him. Maxima's a good man. A good friend.
Lighter hoped this Takame guy could find it in his heart to at least hear Maxima out. If only for his friend's sake. That's all he could do.
He did find himself scratching the back of his head a bit sheepishly.]
Hah, c'mon now this ain't about me. Besides, look who's talking.
[Said while giving Maxima a light pat on the back.]
I've got it all covered. Give yourself a couple days to just veg out and recover. It'll do you some good.
[It's really Maxima's work, but he's under instructions to try not to think about that.]
But...I wouldn't mind the company, either. Not that I think I'm likely to be very good company right now.
[His canine instincts were strong this month. If asked, that's the excuse he would give for the way he stared at Lighter's hand, his soft floppy ears twitching slightly.]
Eh, it's fine. Call it an early lunch break and I've still got time on it.
[They get mandated breaks, so Maxima can't protest that logic. At seeing that little flick of the ears, Lighter started scratching behind them gently. He's been around enough dogs to know what that meant.]
Company's company. I don't mind helping a friend out this way.
[As soon as Lighter touched his ears, half the tension seemed to leave Maxima's body. Sometimes there's no comfort that can surpass just bypassing the thoughts and striking right at the animal instincts. He leaned his head into the touch, appreciative both of the comfort willingly offered and the fact that he'd been understood without words.]
You are a good friend.
[Both to him and in general. Better that he deserved, really, though he knew better than to voice that where it could be shot down.]
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And then the last sentence was an open hand instead of a fist. His shoulders slumped a little, and he finally dared a glance back at Lighter.]
I did. I do. I... [He grimaced, hating the words he was about to speak but knowing them for truth anyway.] I don't trust the people who remain to...to build something that's better than what we had, unless the right people are there to remind them what that needs to look like. There are a few with hearts in the right place, but...
[He shook his head.] In any case, my good intentions aren't the point. The point is, my friend, Takame...he came from one of the places we took over. He was raised under the Empire's thumb, had only in recent years begun to truly shake off the scars that upbringing had left on him. He trusted in me, as a dissenter against the common view, to treat him like an equal. ...And now, whatever my intentions, I've broken that trust and reminded him of where we sit in the hierarchy of my homeland. ...He shouldn't forgive me for that.
[More quietly:]
He never should have put so much trust in me in the first place.
no subject
I won't go speaking for a guy I don't know, but... isn't it his choice to forgive you or not?
[His tone was still on the softer side, but Lighter was always rather blunt. Usually it got him into trouble. But that suited him just fine.]
You may be right, he may not forgive you. But that's for him to decide, not for you to assume.
[He leaned over a bit, enough so Maxima couldn't avoid looking at him entirely.]
You still think it's an injustice that he was raised under the Empire's thumb, and it was. You still care about him enough to be this upset about what you had to do to keep him alive. Based on what you're saying, I figure not a lot of officers would give a damn about being forgiven or not. You do.
That's the difference here. You care. You still wanted your country to be better and you still want to do good by the one who suffered at its hands all the way in another world.
[...]
But it doesn't make the regret hurt any less. It doesn't make you want to scream into the sky any less. I know that.
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...It doesn't. But...I was right. [A long beat.] ...You really are a kind man at heart.
[He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, feeling the weight of everything settle into his bones.] You're sure I can't help you with the paperwork? I probably shouldn't be speaking to clients right now, but...
[He really won't know what to do with himself if he isn't keeping busy with something.]
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Lighter hoped this Takame guy could find it in his heart to at least hear Maxima out. If only for his friend's sake. That's all he could do.
He did find himself scratching the back of his head a bit sheepishly.]
Hah, c'mon now this ain't about me. Besides, look who's talking.
[Said while giving Maxima a light pat on the back.]
I've got it all covered. Give yourself a couple days to just veg out and recover. It'll do you some good.
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[He sighed. Let himself fall backward onto the bed, a touch melodramatically. Maybe he's allowed just a little bit of dramatics, after all that.]
...I'll try. ...I don't know what I'll do, but I'll try.
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That's all I'm asking. Watch a movie, take a walk... figure out a new hobby or something. [A light shrug.] You'll figure it out.
I'll stick around with you a bit longer before I head back, if you want.
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[It's really Maxima's work, but he's under instructions to try not to think about that.]
But...I wouldn't mind the company, either. Not that I think I'm likely to be very good company right now.
[His canine instincts were strong this month. If asked, that's the excuse he would give for the way he stared at Lighter's hand, his soft floppy ears twitching slightly.]
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[They get mandated breaks, so Maxima can't protest that logic. At seeing that little flick of the ears, Lighter started scratching behind them gently. He's been around enough dogs to know what that meant.]
Company's company. I don't mind helping a friend out this way.
[It kept him from dwelling.]
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You are a good friend.
[Both to him and in general. Better that he deserved, really, though he knew better than to voice that where it could be shot down.]
...Thank you, then.