[They've taken to staying the night in whichever of their beds they ended up in for the evening, after they meet up. They don't talk about it, exactly; it toes the line of the boundaries they've set on their relationship, but both of them benefit from the comfort of sleeping next to someone.
Usually. Tonight, Maxima is dreaming restlessly.
"Ghilley. Stand down, please."
Acknowledgement in the man's eyes, acquiescence for just a moment...but then they widen, and the bow comes back up. "Maxima, move!"
He turns, full of dread and horror, too slowly, like moving through molasses. The bird on Joshua's shoulder was green, it was - but it's blue now. It's blue, and the feathers are tarnishing to black even as he watches. Joshua doesn't seem to have noticed the change, or maybe he's indifferent.
The arrow is nocked, but it doesn't fire before she opens her mouth and s痰蜆蛝虆虆虙處虛蛼蛣蜆虜蛻蛺蛬蜐虪虪台蜌蛨號抬踏酞蛶虦虠i谈蜐虇虃蛼號蛨號虧虠毯虣虣虣瘫坦蛨蛵n痰蛣蜖蜅虥虇蛺虤虤蛼虊蜐蜄台台苔台苔台g潭虖虛虤蛼虌蛬蛫虩贪泰滩蜁虪台s谈虜處蛼虛碳蛪蛨抬台蜄.
"Don't listen!" The bottom has dropped out of his stomach, a familiar wave of despair trying to take hold. He knows how to hold strong against it, but the others... He watches them one by one as they reel back, looking ill, pale, but hold steady. Except for one...
Except for Lighter, who is clutching at his head and unable to shake it off. Black trails of corruptive energy begin to pour off his body, and no no no not him not HIM- "Lorenzo! Fight it! Hold onto yourself!" but it's not working and he feels sick as he struggles toward the other man, flailing against the air that's somehow grown so much thicker
because what he's flailing against is bedsheets and the body he's still pressed up beside, as he wakes gasping in a cold sweat, reeling in the darkness as he's caught between dream and reality for a few seconds longer.]
[It's with a loud, cut off snore that Lighter was woken up. The fugue of sleep was broken by his own reflex to say some nonsensical half-word, but then he noticed the panic his friend was in.]
Hey!
[It wasn't shouted, but his voice was raised a little as he reached to turn lights on. He had it set to turn on with a gradual slider to keep his eyes comfortable, but this time it wasn't about what he needed. It'll only hurt for a little bit, he wasn't going to let his friend lose more composure in the dark.]
Hold on. [Light shined in the room, steadily and not immediately as to shock the poor man's senses. Like a sunrise on a dark, cold and barren horizon. And with the lights came an insistent but not forceful grip. Just something to ground him.]
Hey, easy... Look at me. [He's himself. Steady, strong, stable. As always. Not a blasphemy, just a man worried but holding steadfast for a distraught companion.]
You're... [He's shaking, trembling like a leaf in Lighter's arms, half-clinging to the other's presence. One open hand presses solidly against his chest, runs up to his shoulder, down his arm - any other night it might seem suggestive but the frantic searching touch seems more like it's just checking that he's solid, that he's real and whole.
Finally he manages to raise his head to meet Lighter's eyes. His pupils are still tight with fear.] ...You're...all right. You're not... [Another hard shudder runs through him. It's going to take him a moment to find words.]
[... It was its own kind of frightening, honestly. Seeing a guy always so calm and collected even in the face of complete absurdity or dire straits this fearful. He didn't mind being touched wherever. He didn't even think of it as part of their many romps. It was just something Maxima needed to do. To remember where he was. To remember what was real. Every touch was pressed into, just to emphasize that he was tangible and unchanged.
Lighter was worried, his heart hurt when people were in pain. But he tried to work up a reassuring smile and a nod.]
I'm the same as ever. Totally fine... See? [He moved the arm Maxima's hand ran down. Movement and touch and proof of no injury or change. A leader learned what his companions needed.]
[He nods, and takes a deep breath. Holds it for a few seconds. Lets it out slowly. His forehead is leaned against Lighter's chest, third eye pressed to his skin, surrounding all his senses in the other man's warm and living presence as he forces himself to calm down and breathe more steadily.]
Thank you. I'm...sorry.
[The panic is receding but he can feel the anxiety of it still buzzing underneath his skin. He's not going to be able to get back to sleep for a little bit yet.]
[Maxima might hear it, but Lighter also took a deep breath. He let it out slowly, inaudibly so that the other man could hear a steady beating heart instead of a rapid one. Following that rhythm made it easier to calm down for most people.
He gave a little bit of time for breathing to come easier. For coherent word to return while also rubbing at Maxima's back. After a while he broke the silence.]
... Talk to me? [A question, not a statement. Lighter wasn't forced to talk when this happened to him and he knew he was cagey as all hell. He'd extend the invitation to take or leave as needed.]
[He nods, and slowly lifts his head. Processing how to put it all into words.] It was... that night with the board game. Do you remember when...when I had to step between Ghilley and a bird?
[Ghilley had seemed afraid that the bird would sing and that its song would cause some kind of danger for everyone. And Maxima's response had been to remind him of everyone that he had personally witnessed fall to whatever that song had been.]
I dreamed I was wrong. That it really was her.
[That's the starting point. He pauses to collect his thoughts; explaining the rest of the context is going to take a little bit of doing.]
His past life comes from my world. I knew exactly what it was he was afraid of. ...I had witnessed it for myself.
[Deep breath. Slow exhale. Push down the anxious churning of his stomach.]
This song... It echoed across our world, from somewhere far away among the stars. We had been defended from it once, but the defenses began to weaken and fail. Wherever it could pierce through, the skies would burn, and the people...those who were vulnerable to despair would begin to turn. The song ate away at their souls, denying them the natural cycle of rest and rebirth. And as the soul weakened, the body would transform into a monster...mad with pain, it would attack anyone around it.
[Another deep breath, as he lets that information sink in.] ...The despair would...cascade. One person turning could set off others nearby, out of panic and misery. We lost so many that way... [His voice breaks, and he has to stop, compose himself, swallow hard before continuing.]
I heard it was bad enough in other places, but in my home...you witnessed for yourself how we were living, in the aftermath of the civil war and the destruction that followed it. You can imagine the effect such a song would have on people living in those conditions.
[It sunk in well. Sunk in deep. Left Lighter speechless, frankly. Habit had him glance to the other end of the room where a tall, white candle burned. He lit one every night and never explained why. His attention turned to Maxima after that split second, but the more he described... the more unspeakable it felt.
But not unrealistic. While not fueled by despair, Lighter had witnessed the twisting and corruption of one's body first hand. With Overlord Pompey. Completely helpless to stop it from happening because they were just a few minutes too late.
He knew how a body could be warped into something unrecognizable. "Lighter" did anyway. The differences didn't matter much right now as he could still see that pain.
And that was only on the physical front. The idea that someone couldn't even go to heaven or hell after succumbing to this Ballad of Oblivion was... horrifying. And Maxima stood as a survivor of that. And a witness of his countrymen who already struggled falling into that despair.
When Maixma's voice cracked, Lighter's grip on his shoulder tightened.]
Easy... [Don't rush when it hurts. Take your time. He'll listen to the rest once it can be told.]
... Yeah. I can imagine. [Too well. If Lighter were in Maxima's world at the time...
... Maxima's nightmare might've been reality after all.]
Hell doesn't even begin to describe how that must've felt like... I'm sorry.
...It's in the past. It won't...can't happen again. And as far as I know, it can't happen here, either.
[This world doesn't have aether in the same way as his, doesn't have the long history of the Ancients...as far as he knows. It has a million other things in their place, but not that.]
It was just a dream.
[Just a dream expressing his fear that Lighter is vulnerable to that kind of emotional brittleness.]
[... and beating around the bush with Lighter's vulnerability to that isn't going to help any of them. There's another squeeze of his shoulder, tighter. And he shifted to once more be in Maxima's direct line of sight.]
Even if it could, I wouldn't let it happen to me.
[If he were to die, he would let it be. He would allow it. What he would not allow was his soul to be lost to the pit of despair. If he was going to see his old group again it would be in heaven or hell. It would be as a whole new person with a piece of himself at their center.
Just because he was indifferent to what happened, didn't mean he would succumb now. Not after what Maxima shared.]
[He was ready to start moving on. To let the fear and anguish settle back down, another thin layer of sediment at the bottom of the river of emotions that he just tries not to stir up unnecessarily.
Then Lighter squeezes his shoulder, looks him in the eyes, and says something he simply does not know how to process. He's fairly certain his heart stopped for a second, or maybe it was just that the breath was punched from his lungs.]
...Thank you. [His voice is rough. His face feels hot. What is happening to him?] That means...more than you may know.
[Defiance, determination not to succumb, really does go a long way if they ever are faced with that song.]
[Said with a more confident smile this time, relieved that Maxima seemed to be calming down a bit. From the other room, though, a shaking could be heard. A collar clicking against dog tags and a flopping of the mouth. He could hear his Mini Shepherd already making her cute little way into the room but still called her.]
Haha, I think I've got an idea. Concha, ven paqu铆 y buenas de Maxima! [He mostly spoke to his dogs in Spanish but right on time the tiniest little puppy came right up to Maxima and started jumping against his leg. While she had a cropped tail, it didn't stop her from wiggling her behind in excitement to get her papa's friend to smile.]
[Maxima really isn't very used to animals, but over the past few months he's been growing accustomed to Lighter's dogs. It seems impossible to remain melancholy in the face of such innocent enthusiasm, and he reaches out willingly to pet Concha's ears, a tired smile slowly spreading across his face.]
[She doesn't know too much English but she sees a smile! Smile is good, smile means papa's friend isn't sad anymore! She was a pretty quiet dog all things considered so there wasn't a bark in response, but instead delighted panting and more wiggle butt.
And you know, usually when one sees a small animal they fall into baby pet talk. Lighter was no exception.
... with his own dogs at least. The random dogs he pet were a different story but nonetheless.]
驴Ay, que linda verdad?
[While Maxima pet her ears Lighter patted her bottom gently. Sleepiness was starting to set in again since his plan worked like a charm. He let his guard down, but that wasn't a bad thing. God knows it was late.]
Don't be too surprised if you wake up with her by your feet.
[It's really charming, how affectionate he is with his pets. There's a warmth spreading through Maxima's chest that he thinks it might be dangerous to examine too closely. Camaraderie, is what it is, surely. The canine instincts' contentment at being among a tightly-knit pack, small as it may be.
With a deep breath, he relaxes and starts to settle back into the blankets.]
I'll have no complaints at all. She's welcome to stay.
When Maxima began getting comfortable again, Concha followed his lead by laying down in a little lump at the foot of the bed with her front paws crossed and her chin resting on them.
Seeing the hint, Lighter followed suit and nudged close with a hand on Maxima's hip. Just a grounding touch, no intent to go further. Just a reminder he was alive and here and breathing.]
You think you can get back to sleep? [A huffed laugh.] I don't think she'll take no for an answer. But we could prooobably sneak awake a little bit as long as we talk real quiet.
[He knew his puppy wasn't that threatening, even though he spoke of her like an ~insurmountable force~ in that moment. It was just him saying he'll stay up as long as his friend needed.]
[He appreciates the contact, and settles an arm around Lighter in return. It feels good, to be surrounded by so much warmth and affection. To be looked after. He can't remember the last time anyone took care of him this way.]
It's too early to be awake yet, so...I should try, at least. [He hesitates, unsure how much more to say.] I really am...grateful that you're here.
[That he cares. That he's him. He's not sure he could have grown so comfortable in anyone else's presence.]
[Oh. Hm. That made Lighter's heart skip a beat. Maybe he was just a little tired and feeling things. Maybe it's because there's a better chance now of his friend relaxing and his pulse didn't quite catch up.
Ah, he was too tired for this right now either way.]
You were there for me, it's the least I can do.
[It would be nice if this didn't have to happen, but it wasn't up to either of them. It's fine, this was fine enough. This was enough.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action; early September | cw nightmares, depression, endwalker spoilers
Usually. Tonight, Maxima is dreaming restlessly.
"Ghilley. Stand down, please."
Acknowledgement in the man's eyes, acquiescence for just a moment...but then they widen, and the bow comes back up. "Maxima, move!"
He turns, full of dread and horror, too slowly, like moving through molasses. The bird on Joshua's shoulder was green, it was - but it's blue now. It's blue, and the feathers are tarnishing to black even as he watches. Joshua doesn't seem to have noticed the change, or maybe he's indifferent.
The arrow is nocked, but it doesn't fire before she opens her mouth and s痰蜆蛝虆虆虙處虛蛼蛣蜆虜蛻蛺蛬蜐虪虪台蜌蛨號抬踏酞蛶虦虠i谈蜐虇虃蛼號蛨號虧虠毯虣虣虣瘫坦蛨蛵n痰蛣蜖蜅虥虇蛺虤虤蛼虊蜐蜄台台苔台苔台g潭虖虛虤蛼虌蛬蛫虩贪泰滩蜁虪台s谈虜處蛼虛碳蛪蛨抬台蜄.
"Don't listen!" The bottom has dropped out of his stomach, a familiar wave of despair trying to take hold. He knows how to hold strong against it, but the others... He watches them one by one as they reel back, looking ill, pale, but hold steady. Except for one...
Except for Lighter, who is clutching at his head and unable to shake it off. Black trails of corruptive energy begin to pour off his body, and no no no not him not HIM- "Lorenzo! Fight it! Hold onto yourself!" but it's not working and he feels sick as he struggles toward the other man, flailing against the air that's somehow grown so much thicker
because what he's flailing against is bedsheets and the body he's still pressed up beside, as he wakes gasping in a cold sweat, reeling in the darkness as he's caught between dream and reality for a few seconds longer.]
no subject
Hey!
[It wasn't shouted, but his voice was raised a little as he reached to turn lights on. He had it set to turn on with a gradual slider to keep his eyes comfortable, but this time it wasn't about what he needed. It'll only hurt for a little bit, he wasn't going to let his friend lose more composure in the dark.]
Hold on. [Light shined in the room, steadily and not immediately as to shock the poor man's senses. Like a sunrise on a dark, cold and barren horizon. And with the lights came an insistent but not forceful grip. Just something to ground him.]
Hey, easy... Look at me. [He's himself. Steady, strong, stable. As always. Not a blasphemy, just a man worried but holding steadfast for a distraught companion.]
no subject
Finally he manages to raise his head to meet Lighter's eyes. His pupils are still tight with fear.] ...You're...all right. You're not... [Another hard shudder runs through him. It's going to take him a moment to find words.]
no subject
Lighter was worried, his heart hurt when people were in pain. But he tried to work up a reassuring smile and a nod.]
I'm the same as ever. Totally fine... See? [He moved the arm Maxima's hand ran down. Movement and touch and proof of no injury or change. A leader learned what his companions needed.]
no subject
Thank you. I'm...sorry.
[The panic is receding but he can feel the anxiety of it still buzzing underneath his skin. He's not going to be able to get back to sleep for a little bit yet.]
no subject
[Maxima might hear it, but Lighter also took a deep breath. He let it out slowly, inaudibly so that the other man could hear a steady beating heart instead of a rapid one. Following that rhythm made it easier to calm down for most people.
He gave a little bit of time for breathing to come easier. For coherent word to return while also rubbing at Maxima's back. After a while he broke the silence.]
... Talk to me? [A question, not a statement. Lighter wasn't forced to talk when this happened to him and he knew he was cagey as all hell. He'd extend the invitation to take or leave as needed.]
no subject
[Ghilley had seemed afraid that the bird would sing and that its song would cause some kind of danger for everyone. And Maxima's response had been to remind him of everyone that he had personally witnessed fall to whatever that song had been.]
I dreamed I was wrong. That it really was her.
[That's the starting point. He pauses to collect his thoughts; explaining the rest of the context is going to take a little bit of doing.]
no subject
[Learning when to step down was as important as learning when to step up. As for what specifically he recalled... (19).]
He wanted to keep the bird from singing, right? If the bird started to sing, it'd lead to people dying. Or maybe worse. Something along those lines.
[He could put some pieces together but silently allowed Maxima to continue at his comfort.]
no subject
[Deep breath. Slow exhale. Push down the anxious churning of his stomach.]
This song... It echoed across our world, from somewhere far away among the stars. We had been defended from it once, but the defenses began to weaken and fail. Wherever it could pierce through, the skies would burn, and the people...those who were vulnerable to despair would begin to turn. The song ate away at their souls, denying them the natural cycle of rest and rebirth. And as the soul weakened, the body would transform into a monster...mad with pain, it would attack anyone around it.
[Another deep breath, as he lets that information sink in.] ...The despair would...cascade. One person turning could set off others nearby, out of panic and misery. We lost so many that way... [His voice breaks, and he has to stop, compose himself, swallow hard before continuing.]
I heard it was bad enough in other places, but in my home...you witnessed for yourself how we were living, in the aftermath of the civil war and the destruction that followed it. You can imagine the effect such a song would have on people living in those conditions.
no subject
[It sunk in well. Sunk in deep. Left Lighter speechless, frankly. Habit had him glance to the other end of the room where a tall, white candle burned. He lit one every night and never explained why. His attention turned to Maxima after that split second, but the more he described... the more unspeakable it felt.
But not unrealistic. While not fueled by despair, Lighter had witnessed the twisting and corruption of one's body first hand. With Overlord Pompey. Completely helpless to stop it from happening because they were just a few minutes too late.
He knew how a body could be warped into something unrecognizable. "Lighter" did anyway. The differences didn't matter much right now as he could still see that pain.
And that was only on the physical front. The idea that someone couldn't even go to heaven or hell after succumbing to this Ballad of Oblivion was... horrifying. And Maxima stood as a survivor of that. And a witness of his countrymen who already struggled falling into that despair.
When Maixma's voice cracked, Lighter's grip on his shoulder tightened.]
Easy... [Don't rush when it hurts. Take your time. He'll listen to the rest once it can be told.]
... Yeah. I can imagine. [Too well. If Lighter were in Maxima's world at the time...
... Maxima's nightmare might've been reality after all.]
Hell doesn't even begin to describe how that must've felt like... I'm sorry.
no subject
[This world doesn't have aether in the same way as his, doesn't have the long history of the Ancients...as far as he knows. It has a million other things in their place, but not that.]
It was just a dream.
[Just a dream expressing his fear that Lighter is vulnerable to that kind of emotional brittleness.]
no subject
Even if it could, I wouldn't let it happen to me.
[If he were to die, he would let it be. He would allow it. What he would not allow was his soul to be lost to the pit of despair. If he was going to see his old group again it would be in heaven or hell. It would be as a whole new person with a piece of himself at their center.
Just because he was indifferent to what happened, didn't mean he would succumb now. Not after what Maxima shared.]
no subject
Then Lighter squeezes his shoulder, looks him in the eyes, and says something he simply does not know how to process. He's fairly certain his heart stopped for a second, or maybe it was just that the breath was punched from his lungs.]
...Thank you. [His voice is rough. His face feels hot. What is happening to him?] That means...more than you may know.
[Defiance, determination not to succumb, really does go a long way if they ever are faced with that song.]
no subject
[Said with a more confident smile this time, relieved that Maxima seemed to be calming down a bit. From the other room, though, a shaking could be heard. A collar clicking against dog tags and a flopping of the mouth. He could hear his Mini Shepherd already making her cute little way into the room but still called her.]
Haha, I think I've got an idea. Concha, ven paqu铆 y buenas de Maxima! [He mostly spoke to his dogs in Spanish but right on time the tiniest little puppy came right up to Maxima and started jumping against his leg. While she had a cropped tail, it didn't stop her from wiggling her behind in excitement to get her papa's friend to smile.]
no subject
Hello, Concha. You are very sweet, aren't you?
no subject
And you know, usually when one sees a small animal they fall into baby pet talk. Lighter was no exception.
... with his own dogs at least. The random dogs he pet were a different story but nonetheless.]
驴Ay, que linda verdad?
[While Maxima pet her ears Lighter patted her bottom gently. Sleepiness was starting to set in again since his plan worked like a charm. He let his guard down, but that wasn't a bad thing. God knows it was late.]
Don't be too surprised if you wake up with her by your feet.
no subject
With a deep breath, he relaxes and starts to settle back into the blankets.]
I'll have no complaints at all. She's welcome to stay.
no subject
When Maxima began getting comfortable again, Concha followed his lead by laying down in a little lump at the foot of the bed with her front paws crossed and her chin resting on them.
Seeing the hint, Lighter followed suit and nudged close with a hand on Maxima's hip. Just a grounding touch, no intent to go further. Just a reminder he was alive and here and breathing.]
You think you can get back to sleep? [A huffed laugh.] I don't think she'll take no for an answer. But we could prooobably sneak awake a little bit as long as we talk real quiet.
[He knew his puppy wasn't that threatening, even though he spoke of her like an ~insurmountable force~ in that moment. It was just him saying he'll stay up as long as his friend needed.]
no subject
It's too early to be awake yet, so...I should try, at least. [He hesitates, unsure how much more to say.] I really am...grateful that you're here.
[That he cares. That he's him. He's not sure he could have grown so comfortable in anyone else's presence.]
no subject
Ah, he was too tired for this right now either way.]
You were there for me, it's the least I can do.
[It would be nice if this didn't have to happen, but it wasn't up to either of them. It's fine, this was fine enough. This was enough.]